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Thursday, August 13, 2015

You are not a mess, you are mine

My kitchen sink is FULL of dishes. There are weeks worth of clean/clean-ish clothes piled on my dresser, and my suitcase from our trip last week is still full of clothes. I was late for Mia's orientation day today and got called out for it by some random administrator (because apparently tardiness is just not tolerated in four year olds on their not-even-real-first-day. Whatever.), and I even tanked at my own blogging challenge.

As I walked into my dirty kitchen with the intention to get a drink and then walk right back out, dishes untouched, to play with the baby, I heaved a huge sigh as loads of negative thoughts flooded my mind in an instant: "You are such a mess. You can't do anything right. You still can't get this time management thing down. What do you DO with all your time?! Your husband is gonna be ticked..." And on and on. But through all that noise I heard Truth speak, "Don't talk like that about My beloved child! You are my beloved daughter. You are not a mess, you are Mine."

He's speaking to you too.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Re-entry

11 months... It had been 11 months since I last posted anything, and then I spouted off with some ridiculous junk about how much I love green tea because coffee makes me sweat. Nothing but the best here y'all.

There's something about summer that makes me want to bear my soul to the masses, or maybe I just need to escape the four walls of our sauna/playroom and it's too damn hot to go outside and I have too many kids and it's too exhausting to actually go anywhere so I escape to the recesses of the blog to do some creative writing. But whatever the momentary reason for writing, I love reading though old posts to see what I got right or what a moron I was or what I STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED. [Exhibit A: for the third year in a row I should get the award for overscheduling summer vacations (2013, 2014, 2015 recap to come).] In the "moron" category, I especially love the story about "empty threats parenting" which I won't even link to because it is too embarrassing but it is already out there and shows me how much I have grown along with my children.

Anyway, after essentially two years of radio silence, I am challenging myself to seven days of posting. I hope to feed my soul by creating something lasting and to provide material for comic relief for my future self. So friends, if you've neglected your blog for while, please join me in the challenge! I love reading your stuff. (I'm cyberstaring at you Layla.)

And because no post is complete without pictures...
From the cutting room floor:
Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-A
When did Mia turn 13?

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The silver lining list

Today has been tough, really tough. With Mia's strep diagnosis, the resulting lack of sleep, and two other little people who both seem to be in an unusually needy phase, I am fried. Tired... impatient... empty. On days like this it is easy for me to feel like I am failing all around. I yelled at Olivia at nap- FAIL! My kitchen is dirty- FAIL! I didn't read scripture today- FAIL! But somewhere in the waaaaaay back of my mind (or on the background of my phone) are the simple words of Christ: "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor. 12:9). His power is made perfect in my weakness. I am forgiven. I am loved. Jesus fills in the gaps where I fail.
 
Even with these truths in mind, it takes a lot of effort to be mindful of His presence and to praise and thank Him for ALL of it... the good and the bad. I certainly can't say I am running toward Him with open arms screaming, "Thank you for the opportunity to take up this cross!" but here are a few things that I am thankful for today.

1) Amoxicillin! This $4 bottle of scientific genius should relieve Mia's discomfort and diminish her contagiousness in 24 hours. Thank you Modern Medicine.
 
2) TV. I admit I have probably overused this prop today, but the effects of too many hours of screen time cannot be as bad as the damage I might do without it. #sanitysaver

 
3) "Baby Adim"! Though his recent motto seems to be "Nurse to sleep or don't sleep at all," I am cherishing every minute of his sweet smelling snuggles. Nursing this guy are the few times that I actually breathe; I sit in my chair and take deep inhales of the cool, dark, quiet air, and it brings a little bit of peace to my disquieted mind.
 
Other Notables:
-Caleb's step mom who took my rooster:thirty phone call and went to the pharmacy to pick up some children's Advil
-Layla who immediately Googled and schooled me on how to deal with the after effects of washing a disposable diaper
-A verbal child that could tell me, "My throat hurts." She mentioned it in passing, and I relayed it to the nurse with equal casualty. The diagnosis was in the details.
-Green tea! I love coffee, but I really have to limit my intake because me + too much caffeine = anxiety and pit stains. Green tea gets me through these long days without the bipolar effects of coffee.